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Your first one on one meeting with an employee: agenda and what to say

Your first one on one meeting with an employee is for getting to know them and agreeing how you'll work together, not for reviewing their work. Book 45 minutes, tell them in the invite it's a getting-to-know-you chat, let them talk for most of it, ask how they like to get feedback and what they'd change, share a little about how you work, and end by booking the regular 1:1 and sending a short note of what you agreed.

Below: a 45-minute agenda with timings, word-for-word openings for a new hire, a team you've inherited and a former peer, the questions to ask, what to say about yourself, how to handle the awkward moments (they complain about the last manager, ask if their job is safe, or say almost nothing), the follow-up note, and a template to copy. For the regular weekly meetings after this one, see our one on one meeting templates.

What the first one on one is for

By the end of it you want three things:

1. To know them a little: what they do, what they're good at, what frustrates them, what they want next.
2. For them to know you a little: how you work, what you care about, how to reach you.
3. A rhythm: the regular 1:1 booked, and an agreement on how you'll give each other feedback.

What it isn't: a performance review, a chance to announce changes, or a status update on their projects. If there's a performance problem you already know about, don't raise it here. Raise it in the second or third meeting, once there's some trust to stand on.

Before the meeting

• Book it early. For a new hire, in their first week. For a team you've just taken over, all first 1:1s within your first two weeks. If you can't fit everyone in, send dates to all of them now so nobody feels last.
• 45 minutes, not 30. First meetings take longer, and finishing early is better than cutting someone off.
• A quiet room or a video call with cameras on if they're comfortable. Not a café, not your desk in an open office.
• Read what you can: their role, how long they've been there, past reviews if your company shares them. Read them, then put them aside; you're there to hear their version.
• Write down your three or four questions. You'll be nervous too, and a list stops you filling silence with talking.

The invite

A calendar invite with no text makes people nervous, especially from a new manager. Add a line:

A 45-minute agenda

Hold the shape loosely. If they spend twenty minutes on what's frustrating, that's the most useful twenty minutes of the meeting.

How to open: what to say in three situations

A new hire, new to the company

With a new hire, add five minutes on the practical side: what they've been set up with, who they've met, and what they'll be doing in their first two weeks.

A team you've inherited (you're new, they're not)

Saying "no big changes right now" out loud matters. A new manager is the moment people worry about their jobs, their schedules and their projects.

A former peer (you were promoted)

If they applied for the role, add a sentence that respects it, without apologising for getting the job: "I know you went for this too. I'd like to make sure you're getting the work and support you want next." Our guide to managing former peers goes further into that conversation.

Questions to ask in a first one on one

Pick six or seven; don't run the whole list like a survey.

About them

• "How did you end up in this role?"
• "What part of your work do you enjoy most?"
• "What are you known for on the team?"
• "Is there anything outside work you'd like me to know, like a commute, caring for someone, or the hours you're at your best?"

About the work

• "What's going well that I should be careful not to break?"
• "What's the most frustrating part of the job right now?"
• "What takes more time than it should?"
• "If you were me, what's the first thing you'd change?"
• "Who on the team or outside it should I talk to?"

About working together

• "How do you like to get feedback: straight away, or saved for our 1:1? In writing or in person?"
• "What did a past manager do that really helped you? What didn't help?"
• "How will I know if you're stressed or overloaded?"
• "How would you like to be recognised when you do something well: in front of the team, or privately?"

About what's next

• "Where would you like to be in a year or two? It's fine not to know."
• "Is there something you'd like to learn or try that you haven't had the chance to?"

For later meetings, our list of one on one questions to ask employees has sets for workload, growth and getting feedback about you.

How to listen so they keep talking

• Aim for them talking most of the time. If you notice you've been talking for several minutes in a row, stop and ask a question.
• Ask one follow-up before moving on: "Tell me more about that," "What happened then?", "And what else?"
• Don't fix things in the room. "That's useful, let me look into it" is better than a promise you can't keep yet.
• Take short notes, and tell them why: "I'm writing a couple of things down so I don't forget them."
• Don't defend the company or the last manager when they criticise. You're there to learn, not to argue.

Want words like these ready every morning? Take the 2-minute quiz and get a 10-minute lesson and one script a day, starting with your first 1:1s.

What to say about yourself

Five to seven minutes, near the end, once they've talked. Keep it to what helps them work with you:

• A line about your background: where you were before, what you did.
• How you like to work: "I'd rather hear bad news early than late." "If my door's shut, message me; I'll come out."
• How to reach you: message, email, walk over; what counts as urgent.
• What they can expect from you: "We'll meet every week. I'll tell you when something's not working, and I'd like you to do the same with me."
• One honest admission, if it's true: "I'm new to managing, so I'll get some things wrong. Tell me when I do."

Some managers write a short "how I work" note and share it after the meeting. It helps, as long as it's short and you actually follow it.

When it gets awkward

They complain about the last manager

Listen; don't join in. "That sounds frustrating. What would you want me to do differently?" turns a complaint into something you can use, without criticising someone who isn't in the room.

They ask whether their job is safe or changes are coming

Tell the truth as far as you know it. If you know of no plans: "I'm not aware of any plans like that, and I'm not here to make big changes. If anything that affects you comes up, I'll tell you as early as I'm allowed to." Never promise what isn't yours to promise.

They say almost nothing

Some people need time, or have had managers who used 1:1s against them. Ask easier, concrete questions ("Walk me through what you did yesterday"), share a bit more about yourself, and don't push. Say: "We'll do this every week, so there's no pressure to cover everything today." It often opens up by the third meeting.

They raise a serious problem

If they tell you about harassment, discrimination, a safety issue or something similar, thank them, take it seriously, don't promise to keep it secret, and follow your company's process the same day; that usually means telling HR. Tell them what you'll do next.

They get upset

Pause. "Take your time" and a glass of water do more than words. Ask whether they'd like to keep going or pick it up another day, and check in with them afterwards.

They ask for something you can't give on the spot

A raise, a schedule change, a different project: "I hear you. I don't know yet what's possible, and I don't want to promise something I can't deliver. Let me find out and come back to you by [date]." Then do.

How to close

Then book the recurring meeting before you both leave the room, so it doesn't drift.

The follow-up note

Send it the same day. Short, and only what they'd be happy to see in writing.

The note proves you listened. Doing the one thing you said you'd do, by the date you gave, proves more.

A first one on one template to copy

After the first round of one on ones

When you've met everyone, read your notes side by side. Look for:

• What more than one person said. Three people mentioning the same frustration is your first small fix.
• What nobody mentioned that you expected them to.
• Who wants what next. Growth wishes you can act on in the coming months.
• Where people disagree. Two people with opposite views of a process is something to understand before you touch it.

Then say in your next team meeting what you heard, in general terms, and the one thing you'll fix first. It shows the meetings were worth their time. A 30-60-90 day plan is a good place to put the rest.

Mistakes in a first one on one

• Talking about yourself for the first twenty minutes.
• Bringing up a performance problem. Save it for a later meeting unless it's urgent.
• Promising changes before you understand them.
• Running a questionnaire: twenty questions in a row, no follow-ups.
• No invite text, so they spend the morning worrying.
• Not booking the next one. A first 1:1 with no second one feels like a box ticked.

Questions about the first one on one

How long should a first one on one meeting be?

45 minutes works well: long enough not to rush, short enough to keep focus. Regular 1:1s after it can be 30 minutes.

What should I not say in a first one on one?

Don't criticise the previous manager or other team members, announce changes, promise raises or promotions, or raise performance issues you haven't seen yourself.

Should the employee prepare anything?

Not required. It helps to give them the three questions in the invite (what's going well, what's frustrating, what they'd change) so they can think if they want to.

How is the first 1:1 different for a new hire?

More practical: tools, people to meet, what their first weeks look like, what good looks like at one and three months. Meet weekly for their whole first month.

Should I take notes?

Yes, short ones, and say why. Send a short summary of what you agreed the same day; keep anything sensitive in your own private notes.

What if I'm nervous?

Most new managers are, and so is the person across the table. A written list of questions, a clear 45-minute shape and a plan to listen more than you talk will carry you through it.

Want to know which conversations your style tends to put off after the first one? The free leadership style quiz takes about 2 minutes. More on 1:1s, feedback and hard talks is in all our guides for new managers.

Sources

• Julie Zhuo, The Making of a Manager, Portfolio, 2019 (first conversations with a new report).
• Michael Bungay Stanier, The Coaching Habit, Box of Crayons Press, 2016 ("And what else?").